TL;DR: I’m still here for the record, and Artemis updates will be starting back up soonish.
- Rob: "DAMNIT."
- Me: "Huh?"
- Rob: "I'm taking you clothes shopping."
- Me: "Ooh?"
- Rob: "I left my blade from work in my pants."
- Me: "..."
- Rob: "It was in the dryer."
- Me: "..."
- Rob: "There's a lot of lace."
About a week and a half ago I messed up my leg a little when I took 3~4 patients to CT at work. While my ankle was wrapped up and is much better now, my calf muscles decided to flare up.
Simply put. I’m a hedonist within reason, and eating bananas is not within reason.
I hate bananas. Only dried chips and flavored things.
So I need to get some other kind of potassium supplement and keep wearing my compression socks for when the pain starts up.
I do love sweet potatoes tho.
I forgot how fucking hilarious Sims 2 was.
I had a dream I had a baby.
It was adorable, but I don’t know if it was a boy or a girl.
I think it was a girl.
I was happy.
I was carrying the baby in a sling on my chest and fighting giant monsters with a kick-ass broadsword.
Going to Geneva today in a few hours to scout out the wedding location next year. So I had said that I would do it at a family vacation so I could have the whole family there and not have to worry about inviting people I didn’t want.
The location was set.
And now it’s not.
Because my 25 wedding planners found other, prettier places around Geneva and Marblehead that would be nicer for the wedding.
So instead of seeing one place today, I’m seeing 5.
Mom: “Mark found a place near Lakeside and the condo that he thinks would be better, and if he found it, you know it’ll be nice.”
Mom: “It’s three grand more though.”
Mom: “But he’s covering the cost.”
GODDAMNIT. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE AWAY THE STRESS. I JUST WANT TO GET MARRIED, CAN’T I JUST HAVE A CARDBOARD BOX?
My wedding is supposed to be during our family vacation next year. It alleviated a lot of my worries and takes care of the catering, the wine, the music, the photography, the flowers, the cake, the dress…everything basically.
Except now…the whole family is going nuts and trying to make everything fairy-tale perfect and i just want to say a few words and be married.
I actually don’t mind…it’s weird, all the stress is off me and I basically have over 25 wedding planners…
Possibly long and painful:
Just Minecraft, building a highway to hell.
I thought about something tonight, I don’t even know what prompted it. I feel indifferent about it even though I feel like I should break down. I don’t even know why I feel like I should break down. It prompted a series of events that were neither satisfying nor unsatisfying.
I think I need to remember what matters. That writing makes me feel alive. The memory of when I realized that and the memory of when someone close to me had a problem with that. I doubt they knew how I would react. I know they didn’t think it would have the repercussions it did.
In the end, that December, years ago, when I was up at all hours of the night shooting shit with Rob when we were just good friends. When I ate nothing but rice dinners in front of the computer. When I was putting out thousands of words a night. When my body was shaking with excitement and anticipation of the story flowing from my fingertips.
That was when my life took a step towards the future.
That was when I pulled myself out of a suicidal depression.
That was when I had a reason to live.
That was the moment I knew, for the first time, I wasn’t having a bad dream. I was alive.
I am alive.